Thursday, September 6, 2007

An Inner Monologue

**The following is a true story based on a true events in for true life. No names have been changed because I do not know the names of the people that I am about to blog about and if their names really are Nancy Nerd and Gary Goober, then that is their problem and not mine.**

Alright, so, I think we all know that Aaron and I went to Wilmington last weekend for the Labor Day and stayed at a B&B. I didn't realize how nervous I was going to be about staying at a B&B until we got there and I'm all scared because what if the people are complete psychos and we have to stay there because our money is non-refundable? When we drive up I turn into complete chicken shit and make Aaron go in first to check it out because I'm too nervous. You see, I have this problem where all of my inner thoughts and feelings are very well noticed on my face. Apparently I give really mean faces and I have no clue. Sorry peeps, just don't offend and you'll be off my list. I didn't want the owners to hate me if I thought their house was complete crap. It turned out to be fine and we loved it blah blah blah. Well another thing about staying at someone's HOUSE is that you have to talk to like, other people, when you eat breakfast. Harrowing. I'm in sales and I can talk to people no problem, but they gotta give something back you know. Alright, so witness the scene that occurred the following morning during breakfast time.

Aaron and Alison arrive first to breakfast (because we are pigs) and are promptly seated. Host tells us that we will be joined by only one other couple. Great. We have no out.

Other couple enters the dining room. Appearing to be rather nerd like.

Alison mutters under her breath to Aaron: "This outta be fun."
Aaron to Alison: "Be quiet. Be nice."
Alison: "yeah yeah"

Nancy Nerd and Gary Goober sit down.

Silence.

"Hi I'm Alison and this is my husby Aaron."

"Nice to meet you, we're Nancy Nerd and Gary Goober."

"Likewise."

Alison to self, "Who the hell says likewise anymore? And what am I likewise about? My name is not Nancy Nerd or Gary Goober."

The inevitable question arises;

Alison: "So....where do y'all live?"

Nancy Nerd: "Durham, we go to grad school there."

Alison: "Oh, so you go to Duke?"

Gary Goober: "Yep."

Aaron: "Do you follow their basketball team? I've always wanted to go to a game there because of the atmosphere."

Nancy and Gary in unison: "Yep."

Alison to self..."ahhhhhh, I'm dying here!! Throw me a freakin' bone you damn nerds."

Alison: "So what are you two studying in grad school"

Nancy Nerd: "Neurobiology"

Alison to self: "WTF? Neurobiology...you don't like meet those people on a normal basis?? Why do we have to sit with freaking neuro biologists over eggs at breakfast? Is God just trying to make me feel stupid?? What to the EV Alison, you're smart. Wait a minute, you just said 'what to the Ev' Smart people don't say that. You really need to get new friends who don't talk like complete morons."

Alison to Nancy: "That sounds interesting. Are you doing research?"

Nancy Nerd: "Yep. I research how to make paraplegics more independent and mobile by installing computer chips in their brain so they can function via remote controls and computers:

Alison to self: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH....please don't ask me what I do, please don't ask me what I do, please don't ask me what I do."

Nancy Nerd to Alison: "What do you do?"

Alison: "I sell ads for a SouthEastern women's magazine."

Silence.

Chewing.

More chewing.

Drink coffee.

Alison to Nancy: "It's very fulfilling and you know, glamorous. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. I get to go to fashion shows at Neiman Marcus and yep......"

Alison to self: "Yep. You are pretty much sucking at life right now."

Alison to group: "Wow, this breakfast is FANTASTIC!!!"

Nancy Nerd and Gary Goober: "Yep."

xoxo,
Alison

9 comments:

*jcg said...

i agree with the breakfast @ b&bs... totally uncomfortable to sit with people in which you really have no interest. how many days did you have to dine with these peeps?

s-tothe-purge said...

OMfG. LIKE, which of your bff's are saying saying totally ludacris stuff like "what to the ev?" I mean, really. "What to the ev?" Oh hell to tha naw. There are some peeps who totally need to get fired from your life. On the real.

NEway, call a bro - we gots to talk about people...holla

BellaFrench said...

can we just talk about the way you spelled ludicrous? yeah. we might need to go back to school for that one.

don't be jealous of the rocks that i got.

Tony Ritz said...

Funny, funny stuff. Man, did Aaron bust out a nerd impersonation later on in the day? You guys could've done a whole skit as Gary and Nancy.

Warren "not G" said...

my. sides. are. splitting.

that was ha-freakin-larious!

and yeah, living in Durham I've found that most Dukies are...well, just plain odd. face it, those folks just didn't know how to interact with suave people like you!

Drew said...

lol I'm so glad I'm not the only person who has inner monologues. I'm pretty sure I've been on a date with Gary Goober at some point in my life!

prof said...

actually tony...

i told them i was an astrophysicist from belgium (accent and all). alison played along and told them we met on the seas of the mediterranean on a mission trip to save the whales. we did indeed... free willy.

Paul said...

nerds uh nerds uh nerds.............uhhhh its tough......
(inner monologue while typing)
"oh shit i wonder if alison think I'm a nerd? I hope i don't leave a stupid comment everyone thinks it totally retarded.... shit.... i think I just did.... I wonder if you can drink soda hanging upside down? oh no focus this comment is fall apart."

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