Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The day I have been waiting for!!!

Dear Blog,

Alright, first things first, that girl in the bubble is NOT me. I wish it was because her legs are the fierceness and I would like for mine to trim down a little bit but I'm not complaining about what I've got. But seriously, doesn't that girl look like me? The hair and everything, Aaron found that pic on the internet while he was searching for God knows what but whatever, I like it and it made for good blog fodder.

So. Before I delve into the topic of tonight's blog let me give you a little background on me and my family. We all border on being OBSESSED with things. Par example, my mom and dad will only drive Volvo's. My dad CLAIMS he'll get a Hybrid one day soon but I don't believe it. He likes that Swedish engineering too much and I can't say I blame him, cause I like what I like too. My parents don't really like any Republicans (if you're a Republican reading this blog and you're like, "Hey, Al's parents are nice to me, what's up with that?" Well they might just tolerate you but they disagree with your core values and really, that's no good.) I'm obsessed with yoga right now, Eddie Vedder will always be a demi-god and I would do anything short of dancing on a pole for a lifetime supply of Christian Louboutin's. And, to be COMPLETELY honest, I might even dance on a pole. It might be kind of fun. Who knows?

So, let us rewind back to 1987 and guess what I was obsessed with then? NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK. I was the uber-fan. I went to Claire's on the daily to get those over sized buttons that I could pin on my back pack and I practiced writing out "Alison McIntyre" in the margins of my college ruled notebook paper. (I was so advanced in the 3rd grade I could totally use the college ruled instead of wide ruled.) I would say little prayers to God that sounded a little something like this,

"Dear God, hey what's up? You know God, I'm kind of a nerd down here with these big glasses and I'm kind of chunky. You know what would be so cool? Is if I met Joey McIntyre!!! Can you please make that happen? I'm really good in Sunday School and I'm already eagerly anticipating being an acolyte, I can't wait to light those candles. Okay, good night. Oh yeah, bless my mom, dad and annoying Michael too. Amen."

Needless to say, I went to two NKOTB concerts and never met my Joey. And then I grew up and so did the fab five and then they broke up and blah blah blah.

Well. What I had heard was, they are making a comeback and getting the band back together!!!! YESSSSSSS!!!!!! If they come anywhere near Charlotte, then I am there. Seriously, can't wait. Check out the link and tell me what you think. click here

In the meantime, enjoy this little ditty I found on youtube and yes, I remembered all the words and emphatically sang along.


Sunday, January 27, 2008


Dear Blog,

Have I told you about my 15 minutes of fame? I did an ad for World AIDS Day and it's hittin' the internet.

Denmark people get the word out. The objective of this air bubble is to make society think about the prejudice toward people affected with AIDS and social isolation being one of the worst effects of getting this contagious disease.

Someone hire me again, this was fun!


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

yoga practice. not yoga perfect.

Dear Blog,

I think we all know that I love me some yoga for several reasons; it is a mental and physical exercise, you are in competition only with yourself on the mat, it detoxes all the nasty stuff out of your body, it reduces stress which in essence got rid of my hand ecxema which no dermatologist could ever seem to do and it makes me skinny. (side note, who in the heck has ecxema when they're 27 years old? Don't only kids have that?? A big thank you to yoga for helping mine clear up because that shizzle is nasty for reals!!)

So, this is my thought process as I am preparing for my 90 minutes of pure sweat, breathing, accelerated heartbeats and let's be honest, mild cursing at the instructor for making us do a million chatarangas.

Mind you the following is what goes through my head while I'm preparing for yooooooggggaaaaaa.

Alison to self: "Ahhhh, I'm so glad I came to yoga tonight. I'm going to feel so awesome when I leave. I'm going to be all zen and in tune with what REALLY matters and I'm totally going to have a 6 pack by summer. Just remember Alison, when it gets too hard just remember to keep breathing and focus. Keep your eyes on the prize girlfriend. Killer abs, clear brain and a firm butt. I love yoga, la la la la la.

Wait a minute. What? Who brings a Chanel bag to the yoga studio? Is that real? Yep, that's real. Seriously woman, can't you lock that up in the car instead of making the rest of the fellow yogis jealous? And, who wears Van Cleef & Arpel earrings to practice hot, sweaty yoga in? I hate you. Oh, no one else is looking at that women. No one else cares. Only me."

Clearly, I need a lot more time on the mat.


Thursday, January 17, 2008

The one, the only, the Fabulous Las Vegas

Dear blog,

I'm sorry for my absence, Vegas just left me feeling exhausted. After two days of being back in the land of normalcy (is that a good or a bad thing? Hmmm) I finally am starting to feel back to normal and up to writing a blog. I mean, it's not like I went bat shit crazy while I was out there, it's just exhausting being there because you are going and going and going like the dang energizer bunny. All in all, we had a great time and I would even venture to say that I would go back again. That's saying a lot coming from someone whose attitude is often 'been there done that and let's go somewhere else.' I would stay in the Luxor again. The only thing I would change is taking much more comfortable shoes. Seriously ladies, don't even try to look cute while you're out there because chances are you're going to look 100% better than the people out there just by wearing your old duds. Fo' realz. Most of the ladies I saw out there were strug a lug a ding dong. In laymens terms that means FUGLY. In laymens laymens terms that means they were just not cute.

So, here is a list of the top 10 things I saw in Vegas.

10. Slot machines. I mean, duh. But, I had never played on a slot machine before and I had fun!! I even doubled my money on my very first try. And when I say doubled my money I mean doubled my $1 to $2. Sweet!!

9. Amnesia. That was the name of the pilot Aaron and I got paid to watch. We both got $15 dollars to watch a dumb tv show and answer some questions. I don't know about you but I think that's a good deal. Count me in for the next one.

8. Christian Louboutins. While we were in the Bellagio, Aaron kept pointing out all of the women wearing those "red backed shoes that you talk about all the time." I was proud of him for listening to me. I guess it doesn't help when I pull up CL on and leave it open on his laptop. Oh well. He doesn't take the hint.

7. Uggs. That trend has not left Las Vegas just about every female had them on there and to be frank, I was a little jealous because they looked really comfortable and the shoes I was wearing, were....not. End of story.

6. Greasy food. There is not much healthy food in Vegas because...well...I don't know why? I ate so much crap and felt AWFUL by the end of the weekend. But it was worth it because let's face it, greasy food is delish.

5. Timeshares. Aaron and I went to go see a timeshare in order to get cheap tickets to a show. It was worth it! We got our tickets to Cirque du Soleil for only $10 a piece. I think that was a steal considering they retail for like $70. It was fun pretending like we would actually consider buying a piece of Las Vegas Boulevard and then at the end of spiel being like, "we just got married we don't even own a house! why in the hell would we buy a timeshare? are you crackers crazy?? can we have our tickets please?"

4. Douchebags. OMG y'all there are a ton of guys out there who think they are the shizzzzzzz. You can point them out with their spiky gelled hair, gold necklaces, big lapeled shirts, seven jeans and white square toed shoes. Stay away from these guys. Ick.

3. Alcohol and cigarettes. Even if you only put a nickel in the slot machine a nice woman will come around and say "drinks? cocktails?" and you can say, "why yes, i think i will have a cocktail." And they are free! But be sure you tip the woman or she won't come back. And, you can smoke pretty much anywhere which is kind of gross.

2. Acrylic Nails. We all know how I feel about acrylic nails. End of story.

1. BOOBIES!!! Boobies are the #1 thing I saw in Vegas. I saw fake boobies, real boobies, small boobies, big boobies, sagging boobies, barely covered up boobies, jiggly boobies. All kinds of boobies. Writing boobies that many times is starting to sound funny. Boobies, boobies, boobies.

All in all, that was our trip to Vegas.


Monday, January 14, 2008

Las Vegas Baby

Dear Blog,

The team here at BellaFrench is writing in from Vegas. No need to worry, we're still alive and kickin'. We haven't seen any celebs but have had a great time and just gambled our little hearts away, and by that I mean we spent about $10 on the .05 slots and when that didn't win us anything we said screw this and left the casinos.

A more detailed report to come later.


Tuesday, January 8, 2008


Dear Blog,

My first solid week of 2008 has been boooooooring. It's going by impossibly slow but I have a ton to do before Ron and I go to Vegas. Oh, what's that? True!!! We're going to Las Vegas this weekend!!!! Can you tell by the multiple exclamations that I'm a teensy bit excited? That was my Christmas present from the hus. In preparation for my trip I've been totally UN-FUN because I have to ration out my fun and I want to have lots of fun in Vegas. Does that sound weird? It is. I've been saving up all sorts of laughs, smiles and jokes for this weekend. So, if in the future, you see me around town and I'm like the most boring person you've ever met just realize I'm most likely about to do something fun and so I'm saving my fun energy for THAT instead of whatever I happen to be doing at the present moment.

Anywhoodle, even though Spurgeon and I are in a fight he gave me an idea for this blog post. When I asked him what I should write about he said "Just make something up." Which got me to thinking.

Do you ever get in a confrontation with someone and you can't think of ANYTHING to say that is smart, witty, and cunning to SAVE YOUR LIFE? And then afterwards once the scene has run through your head only 810,000 times you finally come up with the perfect thing to say? Why does that ALWAYS happen?

So, here's where the title of the blog comes in. You tell me if you think I'm CRAZY. I often think up confrontational scenes in my head that are purely fictional just so I can have the last word. Here is the latest. On Sunday Aaron and I are going to meet some of our friends for lunch. As I'm getting ready and doing my hair, I realize it is going to be a terrible hair day.
IN MY HEAD, the following confrontation ensues.


Alison and Ron enter restaurant and find their friends. They sit. Ron orders a beer and Alison orders water because she is off alcohol for the moment. They are laughing and enjoying some lovely eats on a lovely day. All of a sudden, Alison overhears the following;

"Ummm, that girls hair is the Posh Spice gone WRONG"

Alison promptly replies with a sneer, "Excuse me, this is the Bitch Spice gone RIGHT."

Rude redneck girl promptly turns white with fear from Alison's prompt response and cowers in her booth.

Seriously!?!!!! That kind of stuff goes through my head all the time. ALL THE TIME. It's like if I don't have real life drama then I make up drama.

So. You be the judge? Am I crazy?

P.S. If you have any recommendations on what to do in Vegas please write in.

Alison a.k.a Bitch Spice

Thursday, January 3, 2008


Aaron and Alison New Years Eve 2004

Good Evening Blog,

I don't usually write about love because, well, I don't really find myself to be an expert on the topic. As my dad lovingly, jokingly and honestly pointed out during our toast at the wedding, I've had a grand total of two boyfriends before I met and married Aaron. And since we're on an honesty streak here, it was kiiiiiiiind of a stretch to call them boyfriends. But, I don't really care now and I didn't really care then either.

The reason I'm writing this post on loooooove is because lately I feel like so many of my friends and searching for it, and that search consumes their life, their conversations, their being and their focus. And I don't know about you blog reader but I don't think that's healthy. As I mentioned before, I'm not any kind of expert on love or relationships but what I am an expert on is self esteem and a healthy self image. I'm not sure where, or why, but somewhere along the line I was okay with being me. Not only being me, but being by myself. I never cared about my lack of boyfriend status, my grandmother cared, my parents might have wondered if I was a leeeeeeesbian, but me? Nope.

So, what I think I'm trying to get across here to all of my loyal readers, male and female alike, don't turn every acquaintance of the opposite sex (or same sex depending on the way you swing) into potential future spouse material. Concentrate on yourself, being happy, making friends, and who knows? You might meet somebody on the street who will turn out to be your main squeeze.