Thursday, January 17, 2008

The one, the only, the Fabulous Las Vegas

Dear blog,

I'm sorry for my absence, Vegas just left me feeling exhausted. After two days of being back in the land of normalcy (is that a good or a bad thing? Hmmm) I finally am starting to feel back to normal and up to writing a blog. I mean, it's not like I went bat shit crazy while I was out there, it's just exhausting being there because you are going and going and going like the dang energizer bunny. All in all, we had a great time and I would even venture to say that I would go back again. That's saying a lot coming from someone whose attitude is often 'been there done that and let's go somewhere else.' I would stay in the Luxor again. The only thing I would change is taking much more comfortable shoes. Seriously ladies, don't even try to look cute while you're out there because chances are you're going to look 100% better than the people out there just by wearing your old duds. Fo' realz. Most of the ladies I saw out there were strug a lug a ding dong. In laymens terms that means FUGLY. In laymens laymens terms that means they were just not cute.

So, here is a list of the top 10 things I saw in Vegas.

10. Slot machines. I mean, duh. But, I had never played on a slot machine before and I had fun!! I even doubled my money on my very first try. And when I say doubled my money I mean doubled my $1 to $2. Sweet!!

9. Amnesia. That was the name of the pilot Aaron and I got paid to watch. We both got $15 dollars to watch a dumb tv show and answer some questions. I don't know about you but I think that's a good deal. Count me in for the next one.

8. Christian Louboutins. While we were in the Bellagio, Aaron kept pointing out all of the women wearing those "red backed shoes that you talk about all the time." I was proud of him for listening to me. I guess it doesn't help when I pull up CL on and leave it open on his laptop. Oh well. He doesn't take the hint.

7. Uggs. That trend has not left Las Vegas just about every female had them on there and to be frank, I was a little jealous because they looked really comfortable and the shoes I was wearing, were....not. End of story.

6. Greasy food. There is not much healthy food in Vegas because...well...I don't know why? I ate so much crap and felt AWFUL by the end of the weekend. But it was worth it because let's face it, greasy food is delish.

5. Timeshares. Aaron and I went to go see a timeshare in order to get cheap tickets to a show. It was worth it! We got our tickets to Cirque du Soleil for only $10 a piece. I think that was a steal considering they retail for like $70. It was fun pretending like we would actually consider buying a piece of Las Vegas Boulevard and then at the end of spiel being like, "we just got married we don't even own a house! why in the hell would we buy a timeshare? are you crackers crazy?? can we have our tickets please?"

4. Douchebags. OMG y'all there are a ton of guys out there who think they are the shizzzzzzz. You can point them out with their spiky gelled hair, gold necklaces, big lapeled shirts, seven jeans and white square toed shoes. Stay away from these guys. Ick.

3. Alcohol and cigarettes. Even if you only put a nickel in the slot machine a nice woman will come around and say "drinks? cocktails?" and you can say, "why yes, i think i will have a cocktail." And they are free! But be sure you tip the woman or she won't come back. And, you can smoke pretty much anywhere which is kind of gross.

2. Acrylic Nails. We all know how I feel about acrylic nails. End of story.

1. BOOBIES!!! Boobies are the #1 thing I saw in Vegas. I saw fake boobies, real boobies, small boobies, big boobies, sagging boobies, barely covered up boobies, jiggly boobies. All kinds of boobies. Writing boobies that many times is starting to sound funny. Boobies, boobies, boobies.

All in all, that was our trip to Vegas.



prof said...

Does anyone even care?

Drew said...

I care! Too bad I've been under a rock or I could have given you some stuff to do! I go out there every year for a trade show so I'm kind of over the whole Vegas scene, although I did win $200 last year so maybe I'll reconsider the whole gambling thing. Glad the trip was a blast!

neighbor said...

yay for vegas!

so how much money did ya'll end up losing or winning?

spurge hearter said...

ok i've read this entry like 25 times.
new post pronto!

Anonymous said...