Sunday, April 20, 2008

Our Father, who art in Heaven

Dear Blog,

This past week I felt like God was telling me to go to church. Why? Well duh, I'll tell you.
1. I was talking to my main man Pete,the handy man at the studio, and asking him why can't I just be rich? His reply? "Awwww, Alison, lookah here; you got more riches than you already know. Every day above ground is another day in Paradise. Praise Jesus." Well, damn Pete. Couldn't you just commiserate with me for a few minutes here and we could talk about how fun it is to buy shit? Apparently not.

2. A friend emailed us and invited us to church.

3. While walking Bella yesterday we ran into the minister who married us and she invited us to come to church.

Now, wouldn't you take that as a sign that someone upstairs wants you to go to church?
This morning Aaron and I woke up around 8, he took his laptop into the den and I remained in bed with my laptop. Around 8:45 I i'med him and asked him if he wanted to go to church, he i'med back and said sure. I think it's fun to instant message in the same house. It's all lazy and technical at the same time. Sometimes we even instant message while in the same room, now that is lazy but sometimes you just don't feel like talking. I'm really getting off the whole God subject aren't I?

So, we go to church and after about 8 songs, I hunker down in my seat to get some good, juicy sermoning. The preacher immediately started talking about the Kingdom of Heaven and I'm all about the Kingdom of Heaven so I turn on my ears real good. Alas, as always happens in church, my little mind starts a wonderin'.

What is the Kingdom of Heaven like? Well, in my Kingdom of Heaven I sit on top of a fluffy little cloud that never gets Bella hair and pieces of grass and earth all over it, Eddie Vedder follows me around and sings quietly, the BoJangles drive-thru is the next cloud over and all of the fried chicken in the world does nothing to my size 4 figure. I wear vintage Chanel on the days I know I'm going to see the Big Guy and Balenciaga when I'm feeling a little devilish. Aaron and I laugh and play with little Bella all day long...

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeech. All thoughts come to a halt.

Will Aaron recognize me in Heaven? What if I'm floating around in Heaven and I see Aaron and some random chick eating McDonald's fries together (ed. note: in Aaron's Heaven the McDonald's drive thru is the next cloud over) and his girlfriend is all "Aaron, maybe you should only eat half your fries." And then I have smoke coming out of my halo because I'm the only one who can tell Aaron that maybe he should only eat half his fries!! Uh oh. I'm about to cut a bitch in Heaven.

I'm totally getting kicked out of Heaven.



Anonymous said...

you are on crack rock.
albeit, funny crack rock.

Cheri said...

sounds like Jesus was really speaking to you this weekend :)

Drew said...

why would Aaron have another girlfriend in heaven? does Aaron's heaven not include you as his wife? what the hell is wrong with Aaron??

Anonymous said...

maybe aaron is part of the flds in heaven?

Prof said...

I didn't write this. But I can say that my girlfriend in heaven will have long legs, blue eyes, an apple bottom and her name will rhyme with balison

Anonymous said...