Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Simply Fuga


Dear Blog,

I know I totally ripped off The Fug Girls in my title but it was just too good to pass up. Don't tell them. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, go to www.gofugyourself.com and you will understand why these two women are my heroes. Well, I'll go ahead and tell you; because they are hilariously mean and you just can't beat the combination. I'm straying, so I will head back to the title, Simply Fuga.

I'm sure that most of you have seen the marketing blitz on Kohl's new line, Simply Vera by none other than the one and only Vera Wang. I'm all about being a budget fashionista but what I am NOT about is cheapening your brand. When I heard about Simply Vera I felt a little bit of bile rise up in my throat. Why Vera, WHY?? Why Kohl's? And do you really want to help people who can't afford your ready to wear line by selling a such a diluted version in cheap fabrics and in ginormous sizes to accomodate American womens accomodations? The answer is NO NO NO. If we can buy Vera Wang at Kohl's then what is there to dream for anymore? Not much my friends. The answer is NOT MUCH. Little girls dream of wearing a Vera Wang when they get married but they won't if you keep shlepping it at Kohl's. So THERE.

So, here's the sitch. Earlier today I find myself, AGAIN, in the quagmires of Hell, Independence Boulevard. I'm listening to some Ryan Adams and hoping that Jenny Garth doesn't get voted off of Dancing With the Stars tonight because I LOVE HER. As I'm driving down the road I see a Kohl's because of course Kohl's would be located on Independence. I think to myself that I need to pull over and check out this Simply Vera for myself. So, I do. As I put on my sunglasses and check to see if anyone I know is around, I exit the car and head into Kohl's. I brace myself for racks of poly blend and walk in. I don't even know where to start and feel like a fish out of water and am trying to blend in with the other Kohls shoppers and I don't think it's working and I feel a mild sweat break out on my forehead. Where in the heck is this stupid Simply Vera? I start to panic and get all turned around because all I see are racks and racks of rayon...and how in the heck did I end up in the kids section? Damn. I almost give up, when what do I see? The Simply Vera. Y'all, it was already on sale. How long has it been there? Oh, and it's all fugly. It was just hanging there all misshapen on the racks and it looked really sad and if I was Vera Wang then I would immediately withdraw and take my precious name off those tags because how EMBARRASSING. They make the clothes look semi decent in the ads because they do a lot of layering...pay attention to that the next time you see an ad. You can't focus on how crappy the stuff is made because they put everything on a skinny little model and she goes and plays in the forest. What ever. Just embarassing. I saw a lot of jewel tones, really big blouses, some gray...I saw one decent looking jacket but I'll be damned if I pay $120 for something at Kohl's. So...my guess is that there will be no more Simply Vera by the end of '07.

Sigh.

xoxo,
Al

9 comments:

Tony Ritz said...

Oh, so if not Kohl's, where should I buy my v-neck tees? Hmmm?

prof said...

i bought a tie from kohl's. it's hip. no lie.

BellaFrench said...

hahahahahahaha....and you bought your mom a chrimmas present from there didn't you??? that was B.A, before Alison. shame, shame.

and Ritz, you can start buying your vnecks at American Apparel, DUH.

Tony Ritz said...

What am I gonna do with this Kohl's gift card? Just throw it away?

*jcg said...

crist has thrown a cow at alison

BellaFrench said...

are you implying something my dear crist?

Drew said...

I've never been to Kohl's. Actually not true, my granny bought me some boots from there one year for christmas but I went back to return them.

And what is with celebrity collections lately? Ashley Judd has sold out too, to Goody's, for goodness sakes. It all started with Kathy Ireland whoring herself out to K-Mart back in the 90's.

*jcg said...

just another cheap ploy to get you to add superpoke, obvy.

while we are weighing in, i've never been to kohl's either. but if it's anything like tj maxx, i know i don't want to go.

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